Barbarian – *smashes a 40 on the ground and yells* SCATTER!
Bard – the entire salt and pepper diner story.
Cleric – You have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair.
Druid – Aaah! One feels like a duck splashing around in all this wet! And when one feels like a duck, one is happy!
Monk – I’ll just keep all my emotions right here and then one day, i’ll die.
Paladin – for those of you who aren’t catholic, I don’t mean to exclude you (even though we looove to exclude you)…
Ranger – everybody get out of my way. I just wanna sit here and feed my birds.
Sorcerer – this might as well happen. adult life is already so goddamn weird.
Rogue – Stop snitchin’, motherfucker.
Fighter – sometimes babies will point at me, and I don’t care for that shit at all.
Warlock – FUCK DA POLICE!
Wizard – I’m either having a drink or I have to pee. You’re living the golden years kid, not me.
@feyundead these seem very accurate
D&D classes as john mulaney quotes
Published
Moonglade Poetess 